In elementary school, I fell in love with Greek mythology by reading library books about Greek characters, such as Athena, Zeus, Heracles, and - my favorite - Medusa.
Also in elementary school, I became obsessed with dragons as well, especially in later elementary school. I used to even believe that I was actually a dragon and that my parents weren't my real parents! I even took to picking up shiny objects, from plastic, to stones, to even shards of glass!
In 7th grade, my depression kicked in. I started to hate myself, and simultaneously believe I deserved to die and that I would be better off dead. Eventually, in an effort to separate my sense of self from my depressive thoughts (and believing maybe I would be able to kill it in my mind) I named it after a Japanese yokai that coerces people into hanging themselves, more commonly known as Kubire Oni, but also named: Itsuki.
Itsuki had control of me for a while, but eventually, after I won a state playwriting competition in the fall of my Junior year, I finally had enough confidence and courage to come out as gay! I chose to represent this momentous time in my life with a rainbow cockatrice.
However, good things don't last forever. In Spring of my Junior year, my grandma, Rose, passed away. She was the first major person to die after I was old enough to understand what death is...
However, a few months after my grandma died, my dad filed for divorce. My family was being torn apart, and I tried to keep it together, to keep myself together, to stay neutral when both tried to mak me do things for them. I ended up having to weave my own web of subtle deceit to avoid both of them hating me.
After the divorce began, I went into my busiest semester ever: 4 AP courses, school theatre, community theatre, I was overwhelmed. And my perfectionism didn't help. One night, during rehearsal, I decided to score my arms each time I messed a step of choreography that we had just learned, and I practiced until I could do it without making a single mistake. It worked, so I kept using that strategy for a while... It only got worse, changing from just scoring my arms until they bleed to slapping/punching myself, I even used a knife once or twice, but usually my nails were sharp enough to cause pain, and sometimes even bleed. I still have a scar from one of the scores I did with my nails.
However, after a LOT of therapy, I realized that I developed an almost parasocial relationship with my director. Due to my parents' divorce, I started looking to her as a replacement parent, or at least a better parental figure, which contributed to my self harm. However, she kept picking her favorite for the lead in everything, regardless of talent, regardless of seniority, regardless of how hard I tried, I would never, in her eyes, be good enough. I was the left overs, the one who was placed wherever. Though I could do any of the roles, and the director knew that, it seemed like she'd rather cast her favorites than give me a chance to shine. The only time I was the lead was when her favorite was on vacation during the show week. I felt like I was nothing to her, an incorporeal phantom.
However, after much more therapy, I finally started to do better. And then, I was accepted into Tisch! I was thrilled. I finally realized that, no matter what that director thought of me, they could never take this away from me. I was good enough. And here I am.
And soon will be a new phase of life. What it is, I don't know. It's murky, so for this as yet unknown stage, I chose the Graeae Sisters, representative of old age, and therefore the future... whatever's next... I can handle it.